Mommy meltdown of 2011

A lot of you are very sweet and tell me that I am strong through everything we go through. I thought I would share a story of me not being strong.  This is more for me than you. Blogging is free therapy!

So as you know Friday, Feb. 24th we went in to the hospital for Caydence's stomach pain. It took them 3 times to get an iv in her. Break my heart much???

So all day Saturday we pump her full of laxatives and question what is going on with her.

Sunday, at this point I haven't slept more than say 15 minute stretches. I am tired. I am frustrated we still don't know what is wrong with my kid.

Sunday there is some action in the toilet, so I, being optimistic, think that we are getting better. The "action" comes out black and that is when the "crap starts hitting the fan" (Pun intended)

So LATE Sunday night, after Joe had gone home, the weekend doctors come in and starts giving us news.

Bad news

Bad news #1- your child's hemoglobins were 14 when she came into the ER. They are now 7.
Bad news #2- oh, and that means she will need a transfusion.
Bad news #3- oh, and she will need to go to the ICU so we can monitor her closer
Bad news #4- she had blood in her poop
Bad news #5- and we really don't know why she has blood in her poop

and the one that sent me over the edge....

Bad news #6- oh, and we need to put in another IV so we are going to stick your daughter, yet again.

At the point my mother in law was in the room with me, and the blood people were ready to come in to stick Caydence. I can't watch them stick my kid another time, so I excuse myself. Thank God my mother in law was there cause I needed out!

The doctors are at the desk when I walk by and one of them asks me "are you ok?"

to which I reply "NO, I am not ok" and keep walking......

****Insert hysterical crying****

Call Joe who talks me off the ledge...

Go back in the room. Liz (MIL) tells me Caydence was saying "I'm sorry" when they started sticking her.

****Insert more crying****

Head to the ICU. We arrive in the ICU at exactly 12:01 on Caydence's birthday. I tell the nurses it is officially her birthday and they start singing to her. As a way to distract me (I learn later), they take me out of the room to the lobby to fill out some paperwork.

****Insert hysterical, 3 year old, monumental crying****

Go back in the ICU. The IV is in. Caydence is not crying and wanting me to hold her. She passes out pretty easily that night. Me, I stay up all night cause of the all the monitors. I start praying for Caydence, and well, that was the end of the meltdown.

So you see, we all have our moments. I tried so hard to not lose it, especially in front of Caydence, but a momma can only take people hurting her kid so long until she loses it.